Heal My Sacrifice
by Hatsu Gekkani
Summary: Ichigo's POV After a long battle, Ichigo struggles to overcome the sickening feeling that he could lose Orihime. IchiHime oneshot angsty fluff rated T just to be safe violence


**For those of you who have read Fragile Words, I'm still working on the next chapter. So to make up for it, I'm posting this oneshot that I did a while back. I thought it would be interesting to try writing through the viewpoint of a boy, and who better to experiment with than Ichigo? :P**

Heal My Sacrifice

I dug my fingers into the ground, gripping it in my hands, dirt caking underneath my fingernails. My shoulders shuddered and my arms were quivering. I didn't know how long I'd been frozen there- down on all fours and facing the ground with my eyes shut tightly. It felt like hours had gone by.

I couldn't clear my head. The picture of her blood danced viciously across my mind. _"It wasn't real,"_ I tried to remind myself. It had been an illusion, just something to catch me off-guard so he could finish me off. But it didn't matter how many times I tried to convince myself that she was okay. I still felt sick. Blood staining her skin, her normally happy face turned ghostly pale. No smile anywhere in her eyes; they had become lifeless stones. But the worst thing, the part that made my stomach turn, was when she looked at me for a brief second with a hint of contentment on her face. She was only thinking about me.

Maybe the reason it was so hard to forget was because deep down, I knew she would have done it. She would have jumped in harm's way if it would let me live a little longer. But that was supposed to be my responsibility, one that I had willingly taken when I became a soul reaper. _I_ was the one who was supposed to protect _her_. I promised her I would. Did she not believe I could do it? Or was she had she never planned on letting me carry it out?

My thoughts were interrupted by someone's hand on my shoulder. The touch was tentative- a mixture of fear and worry, but nonetheless comforting. Smooth, creamy-white fingers against the black of my sleeve. I watched her kneel down and pull my arm around her shoulders. As she slowly stood up with her hand on my waist, I felt the muscles in my legs tighten and it hurt to move; the constant battles had taken their toll. She noticed me cringing and stopped, concern washing over her face. I tried to smile and shook my head. We couldn't afford to waste any more time. I knew they were still looking for her. But she didn't listen. Instead she lowered me to the ground and laid me on my back. Before I could even open my mouth to protest, she had released her Shun Shun Rikka and I was surrounded by the warm orange glow.

As she stared down at me, I saw the light glint off of a small tear that had trickled down her cheek. Seeing that tore at something inside me. I didn't want anyone to look at me with that expression, least of all her. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I wanted to do anything to take away whatever pain or guilt she was holding on to.

I took her hand and pulled her closer. I raised my other hand to wipe way the tear. Up close, I could see her cheeks were stained with salty streaks. How long had she been crying when I wasn't looking? My thumb glided across her cheek and I felt her gasp when it brushed against her lips.

Her eyes flitted nervously across my face and she pulled back to continue healing me. After a minute or so, I noticed that she kept cringing and glancing down. I followed her gaze and saw the deep gash that ran down her arm. It was still bleeding and the tattered edges of her sleeve were becoming stained red. Did that happen when she tried to break the illusion? Why hadn't I noticed it before? My hand clenched into a fist at my side. I came here to save her… So why the hell was I the one being looked after? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she kept getting hurt trying to help me.

"Orihime…" It came out hoarsely. My throat was so dry and sore that it hurt to talk. She stopped and stared at me. I tried to find my voice again, but the words came out in a low whisper. "Talk to me… please."

She lowered her head until I couldn't see her face anymore. "I'm sorry…" she breathed.

My stomach turned and I dug my fingers into the ground. "What are _you_ apologizing for?!" If my voice hadn't been so hoarse, I'm sure it would have been close to yelling. It made me sick for her to think that any of this was her fault. "Orihime, you-"

"You were trying to help me… and you got hurt. If I hadn't-"

"Stop it."

She looked up at me with glassy eyes.

"You didn't do anything wrong, you hear me? I probably wouldn't even be alive if it hadn't been for you… and that's not the first time," I added.

It was true, though, wasn't it? I'd never really thought about it before. All the times when it looked like I wasn't going to make it… she had been there. And after all of this, I couldn't help but feel a little empty inside. I'd promised to protect my friends, to protect her, but had I really been there for her?

I looked up at her again. She was tugging at the white fabric of her dress, burying her nails deep within the folds of cloth. "Ichigo, you don't have to be so… so nice to me. It's okay if you… I… you can…" Her voice trailed off as her eyes filled with new tears.

"Not nice, just honest." I tried to look up at her with a softer stare.

Two of the tears escaped down her cheeks as she forced a smile. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Sorry, I shouldn't be acting like this." Her laugh was quiet and nervous, not at all like the carefree laugh that I had grown accustomed to.

I missed the old Orihime. I hardly knew her back then, but it wasn't until now that I realized how much I missed her smile. Any time I'd seen her cry, she'd been crying over me- another twist in my stomach. I didn't want to make her cry anymore; she deserved better than that. I wanted to see her smile again, to hear her laugh and tell all of her goofy stories. I would do anything to make that happen.

The shield faded away as she finished healing me. I sat up on my elbows and watched her. Her hand was over her eyes and her lower lip was trembling. I sat up and moved closer to her. Hesitantly, I took her hand and pulled it away from her face. She stared at me with an expression that I couldn't distinguish between confusion and fear. I looked down at her arm, tracing my finger alongside the cut, but careful not to touch it at the risk of hurting her.

I didn't even realize that I had leaned in closer to her until I could feel her staggered breathing on my neck. I glanced up at her and watched the rosy apples of her cheeks turn bright red, so red that they were almost glowing.

I could feel the heat beginning to spread across my own cheeks. I was so close to her that I could've sworn I could hear her heartbeat. I thought to myself that I should have moved back… but I didn't want to. It was more than just not wanting to move; it was that I _liked_ being there.

Her small hand fit so snuggly inside of mine. I felt her fingers fidget a little, but I didn't bother to look down. My other hand weaved through her silky hair as I guided her face closer to mine.

Before then, I'd never really thought about it- how she could have changed from some girl in class, to someone I'd risk everything for; why it hurt so much to see her struggle; how long I'd loved her without even realizing it.

I paused as my lips brushed against hers, taking in the sweet smell of her milky skin and the warmth coming off her cheeks, before I closed my eyes and completely closed the distance between us.

Her body stiffened in surprise and her cheeks were almost burning. I let go of her hand and moved it to her waist. Her hand sat in midair for a moment, but slowly worked its way up to land gently on my shoulder, her index finger and thumb just barely brushing against my neck.

I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to do anything I could to keep her safe. I remembered the sickening feeling I'd felt when I saw the illusion of her dying. Up until now she'd only been able to watch me from the sidelines. What if I were in her position? Would I be able to take it? All this time she'd been watching me get hurt without being able to help.

I knew that feeling of uselessness was hard to live with- wanting to protect people when it's completely out of your control. But had she felt that way for too long? I didn't know if I could have lived with that feeling for too much time. There was no way it hadn't been eating her away inside.

Maybe it was one of those things that I couldn't fix, but I had to try. I had to try to take away that guilt and make her see how important she really was- how much she meant to me.

I pulled away and stared at her face. She seemed calmer now and more serene. She slowly opened her eyes as she rested her hand on the one I held against her cheek.

"Ichigo…" Her golden brown eyes flitted across my face.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Leaning down, I whispered into her ear, "You don't have to fight on your own."

Her grip tightened around me and her hands tugged at the back of my shihakusho. "Thank you, Ichigo..." She leaned her head back and for the first time in what seemed like a long time, a small smile spread across her face.

I couldn't help but smile too. It wasn't that big goofy grin that she used to wear, but it was still a real smile. Maybe I really could help bring back the old Orihime. If I was there for her, and if I trained hard enough so that she didn't have any reason to worry about me, then maybe she wouldn't be so weighed down with all this pain and guilt. I could help turn it around, and make life more like it used to be.


End file.
